I've never felt more hated

I've never felt more hated in my life then what I feel now.

The feeling that I have in my heart is deep and painful.

Last night was supposed to be amazing and wonderful...and for the most part it was.

I feel that today I have been faced with a decision to make on how the rest of this scenario is going to go.

I've avoided going home to get away from his things. I've loved almost every moment I have spent at the Buddhaful house with Miki, Bonnie and Mike.

I feel though that I am intruding upon someone else's space. Inhibiting them from healing their own woes and heartache.

The looks that I receive are not longer ones of love and understanding but of now a deep loathing that is only getting worse as times goes on.

I should return home just to help calm the waves of this emotional storm that has encircled us.

I feel full responsible for all of this and it's crashing down on me. I have no where to go...to think, to grieve, to find my center.

I'm a strong person but these feelings from him and others that I now love hit me hard.

Square in the chest and it's just burrowing deep within.

The love and strength that I have gained from the wonderful new females that surround me has been astonishing. I love and appreciate more then I could ever say.

I feel thought that by me even being present I am forcing them to choose. Choose sides that they shouldn't have to pick.

I don't believe or feel that I have manifested this reality. I am part of his manifestation. The universe put me in that role to learn something from this.

To be honest I don't know what yet.