In goal mode.
I always want to tbe a work in progress. Not a Jack of All trades and master of none but a constant progression of unfathomable porportions.
Allowing all that happens without a moment of regret or questioning.
Remembering that all that I have or don't is due to my manifestations in this life and what I NEED to learn.
The needs and wants NEED to become one and the same. Getting what you truly need and letting that influence the wants.
The goals for the next few months seem simple but require much of me.
This will be a beautiful adventure with an electic mix of people, style, music and business.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Sunday, November 21, 2010
I've never felt more hated
I've never felt more hated in my life then what I feel now.
The feeling that I have in my heart is deep and painful.
Last night was supposed to be amazing and wonderful...and for the most part it was.
I feel that today I have been faced with a decision to make on how the rest of this scenario is going to go.
I've avoided going home to get away from his things. I've loved almost every moment I have spent at the Buddhaful house with Miki, Bonnie and Mike.
I feel though that I am intruding upon someone else's space. Inhibiting them from healing their own woes and heartache.
The looks that I receive are not longer ones of love and understanding but of now a deep loathing that is only getting worse as times goes on.
I should return home just to help calm the waves of this emotional storm that has encircled us.
I feel full responsible for all of this and it's crashing down on me. I have no where to go...to think, to grieve, to find my center.
I'm a strong person but these feelings from him and others that I now love hit me hard.
Square in the chest and it's just burrowing deep within.
The love and strength that I have gained from the wonderful new females that surround me has been astonishing. I love and appreciate more then I could ever say.
I feel thought that by me even being present I am forcing them to choose. Choose sides that they shouldn't have to pick.
I don't believe or feel that I have manifested this reality. I am part of his manifestation. The universe put me in that role to learn something from this.
To be honest I don't know what yet.
The feeling that I have in my heart is deep and painful.
Last night was supposed to be amazing and wonderful...and for the most part it was.
I feel that today I have been faced with a decision to make on how the rest of this scenario is going to go.
I've avoided going home to get away from his things. I've loved almost every moment I have spent at the Buddhaful house with Miki, Bonnie and Mike.
I feel though that I am intruding upon someone else's space. Inhibiting them from healing their own woes and heartache.
The looks that I receive are not longer ones of love and understanding but of now a deep loathing that is only getting worse as times goes on.
I should return home just to help calm the waves of this emotional storm that has encircled us.
I feel full responsible for all of this and it's crashing down on me. I have no where to go...to think, to grieve, to find my center.
I'm a strong person but these feelings from him and others that I now love hit me hard.
Square in the chest and it's just burrowing deep within.
The love and strength that I have gained from the wonderful new females that surround me has been astonishing. I love and appreciate more then I could ever say.
I feel thought that by me even being present I am forcing them to choose. Choose sides that they shouldn't have to pick.
I don't believe or feel that I have manifested this reality. I am part of his manifestation. The universe put me in that role to learn something from this.
To be honest I don't know what yet.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE
Many many beatiful and wonderful things have happened in my life and I couldnt be more stoked.
I've been reading alot of metaphyics and holy crap why did I ever leave my 'hippie" ways in the past. This answers so many questions for me.
Answers my questions because it's about finding the answers within yourself!!! We are all powerful beautiful beings with the power to comand the universe. Attidude is everything! change your attitude and you change your reality.
I've always had a very "fuck" society attitude towards the "mainstream" media, "morality" and what is generally seen as normal.
Really who wants all of that?? The greatest people and moments in hisotry and life come from doing what makes you happy. If you aren't hurting anyone for the sake of malice THEN DO IT!!
If we are all created and designed differently then why would I want to be like everyone else? why would I want to live up to someone elses standards of me? Why would I want to be anything but me?? SERISOULY!!!
Bunch of Puritanical bullshit that the mainstream american society pushes upon it's people and trying to push it upon the rest of the world.
Why is it that the only way to be seen as a success and worth anything is by having the "perfect american dream"...2.5 kids, white picket fence, dog, cat and 6'0 blue eyed husband and go to church everyday....
well that's not what I want and thank you Mom and Dad for not pushing that upon me. You may have given me the perfectionist attitude but at least it wasn't for mainstream ticky tacky bullshit.
While I like tall dude with jobs does that mean that it should be the determining factor in choosing a significant other....FUCK NO !!
I watch my friend in failed or floundering relationships with others and just shake my head. You effing drone! Think about maybe why you are unhappy. It's not that you don't have the mercedes, the baby, the house...maybe just maybe that crap isn't what you want in the first place. All of that means nothing without love. Love for yourself and love for others.
You shouldn't base your love for someone on what they do for a living, what they wear, how they look or what they believe.
I love my Momma, she is overweight, lives in the trailer park and loves Jesus...to some she isn't worthy but to me she is a Goddess and if she is happy I am happy.
To some I am not worthy...I'm from the trailer park, have a DUI, hate my insurance job, dont have a house, don't have the model body and I certainly don't believe in the Bible or Jesus but I am me. An individual with my own thoughts, feelings, expressions and emotions. I will not yeild into submission by any means to something that makes me misesrable.
I've been reading alot of metaphyics and holy crap why did I ever leave my 'hippie" ways in the past. This answers so many questions for me.
Answers my questions because it's about finding the answers within yourself!!! We are all powerful beautiful beings with the power to comand the universe. Attidude is everything! change your attitude and you change your reality.
I've always had a very "fuck" society attitude towards the "mainstream" media, "morality" and what is generally seen as normal.
Really who wants all of that?? The greatest people and moments in hisotry and life come from doing what makes you happy. If you aren't hurting anyone for the sake of malice THEN DO IT!!
If we are all created and designed differently then why would I want to be like everyone else? why would I want to live up to someone elses standards of me? Why would I want to be anything but me?? SERISOULY!!!
Bunch of Puritanical bullshit that the mainstream american society pushes upon it's people and trying to push it upon the rest of the world.
Why is it that the only way to be seen as a success and worth anything is by having the "perfect american dream"...2.5 kids, white picket fence, dog, cat and 6'0 blue eyed husband and go to church everyday....
well that's not what I want and thank you Mom and Dad for not pushing that upon me. You may have given me the perfectionist attitude but at least it wasn't for mainstream ticky tacky bullshit.
While I like tall dude with jobs does that mean that it should be the determining factor in choosing a significant other....FUCK NO !!
I watch my friend in failed or floundering relationships with others and just shake my head. You effing drone! Think about maybe why you are unhappy. It's not that you don't have the mercedes, the baby, the house...maybe just maybe that crap isn't what you want in the first place. All of that means nothing without love. Love for yourself and love for others.
You shouldn't base your love for someone on what they do for a living, what they wear, how they look or what they believe.
I love my Momma, she is overweight, lives in the trailer park and loves Jesus...to some she isn't worthy but to me she is a Goddess and if she is happy I am happy.
To some I am not worthy...I'm from the trailer park, have a DUI, hate my insurance job, dont have a house, don't have the model body and I certainly don't believe in the Bible or Jesus but I am me. An individual with my own thoughts, feelings, expressions and emotions. I will not yeild into submission by any means to something that makes me misesrable.
I'm probably going to make the switch.
http://gu.com/p/2hdtj
Switch to Vegetarian. I've been reading so much lately on the effects of factory farms on our world and bodies.
OMG!!! I already try to buy Organic local meat but even then
Switch to Vegetarian. I've been reading so much lately on the effects of factory farms on our world and bodies.
OMG!!! I already try to buy Organic local meat but even then
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)